For Lack of Knowledge

Let me start by saying that it's truly amazing when 'the light' shines (Ephesians 5:13). I can hardly believe how much my thinking has been transformed on the subject of purity in recent years. As a yet-to-be-married young adult that has resolved to walk what is the less travelled path in these times, I would like to delve into the topic of sexual purity.

Some of what I'm about to share, I picked up from Singles' Conferences. Those events are generally aimed at equipping the unmarried with the tools for successful relationships with God & other people, that lead to healthy & successful marriages. However, I've come to find that a lot of people don’t bother to show up at them for the same reasons that I never used to attend them. One being that the term ‘single’ is often mistaken to mean anyone who isn’t at least in some sort of relationship (as opposed to meaning all those that are not married), and the question, "What else are they going to say that I don't already know?!" basically sums up the other. Well, at the last one I attended, I heard something I had never heard before (believe it or not, this was not the first time that happened, but it didn't stop me from asking the same question yet again before resolving to attend anyway!). This blew my mind. Apparently, medical research has found no function of the hymen in the female anatomy (Now, we know God makes no mistakes and has a purpose for everything He creates). The speaker likened the blood that is shed when the hymen is split during consumation, to the blood of the lambs during the passover in Egypt (Exodus 12:13). The shedding of that blood is designed to form a covenant of covering for your marriage (with God), so that when marital-death is visiting homes to bring destruction and sees the mark of the blood on your marriage, it will pass over. I found that pretty interesting.

When people speak about purity before marriage, it's not often that anyone explains the gravity of the effects/consequences of going against God’s will. I think if most people really knew what they do to themselves when they fornicate (and my study Bible tells me that fornication also includes other forms of immorality such as adultery and incest), they would never get into it. Every one of our actions is essentially a seed and the one thing a seed knows to do is grow and produce a harvest, so whether we sow unto disobedience or obedience, we reap accordingly. Disregarding God's instructions in this area of purity pretty much guarantees that one curses the foundation of their own marriage and the fruits always come to bear somewhere down the road. A lot of the challenges that marriages are facing today are as a result of this.

Looking at it from the angle of self-control (part of the fruit of the Spirit - Galatians 5:23),  we've been taught that meticulous records of everything we do are kept by both by Heaven and the kingdom of darkness. When a couple do not exercise self-control before marriage, it sends a clear signal that this is an area of weakness, and somewhere along the line, the enemy is likely to exploit it. Besides, if a person has never had to control their sexual desires before they got married, when temptations come and other situations arise, where is self-control suddenly expected to spring from? It seems easier to give in, but the truth is that you do both yourself and your partner a huge favour by cultivating the fruit of the Spirit in this area in the right season.

So where does all of this stem from? There is a clear link between purity of thoughts and our actions. Purity is first birthed in our minds before it reflects in our actions. If you don't change the way you think, you can't change the way you live. Paul instructs us to think on things that are pure (Phil 4:8) and be renewed in the spirit of our minds (Eph 4:23). This spiritual renewal of our thought & attitudes becomes a launchpad for doing the perfect will of God. Society does not celebrate purity and even in the church, purity seems like a near impossible feat to achieve. It has become increasingly difficult to separate the world's approach to relationships from the church's approach. Only after a series of heartbreaks do we realise that we were never designed to deal with 'Dating' the way it is in the world today, and all that stuff that is taught on courtship suddenly starts to make a lot of sense. Dating has almost become a type of marriage, and by its very nature has given this generation a lot of practice in Divorce. You fall in love, share practically every aspect of your life with the other person (and this is usually the point at which purity goes out the window, because it actually begins to feel right to give yourself completely to the other person) - and then you hit a bump, decide you can't be together anymore and move on to the next person to repeat the cycle. Then we wonder how we got stuck with a generation of people who seemingly can't stay married, making divorce the norm! I would know – I’m yet to turn 30 and I already have 4 friends that have been through a divorce. If dating already teaches us subconsciously to deal with divorce, then it's no wonder that there seems to be a lack of staying power when the same people get married and face challenges.

Walking the path of purity is not easy, especially in the face of so much pressure from society & culture. However the Bible instructs that we be not conformed to this world, but transformed instead by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). There are likely to be negative reactions to a stance in purity due to general ignorance, but all of that is temporary - the rewards last a lifetime. When you're happily married, the stigma associated with having stood up for the right thing suddenly becomes something that your spouse can be very proud of.

So how can all this even be achieved? You may be pleased to know that purity does not depend on human self-will or ability. It's one of those things that is not by one's power or might, but is only achieved by reliance on the Spirit of the Lord (Zech 4:6). Infact, the Bible says FLEE sexual immorality - not stand strong, flex your muscles & see if you can withstand it OR use it to test the level of your holiness (1 Cor 6:18) i.e. Don't even try your luck lest you fall! There is a tendency to make the mistake of thinking that we achieve purity by our own efforts, which in actual fact is an impossible feat. As a result, people come to the conclusion that purity is not even feasible, so much so that considering it raises many questions and people find it hard to believe that anyone will marry you without sleeping with you first. Let me just crave your indulgence by repeating a few things you already know. There is a God in Heaven who rules in the affairs of men. He neither sleeps nor slumbers. Honestly, there is a way that seems right to a man but it doesn't end well (Proverbs 14:12). Do not envy those who appear to be getting away with doing things the way the rest of the world does (Proverbs 23:17, 18). Have faith in a good God that rewards those who diligently seek Him and for whom nothing is impossible (Hebrews 11:6, Luke 1:37). Think about it; can He really be accused of being unable to reward obedience?

God by His nature is also merciful. So on the flipside, if one has already gone the way of the world and is in line to reap the fruits of disobedience (or indeed is already doing so), He honours a repentant heart and makes provision for deliverance from the very situations we get ourselves into. It is better to run back to the Father with our tails between our legs, asking forgiveness and securing better tomorrows, than to remain in rebellion and end up walking a cursed path for a lifetime.

God has given every instruction in His word for a reason and I find that life is a succession of seasons of sowing and reaping according to the letter of everything in His word. If He goes through the trouble of saying "Be set apart" and "Flee sexual immorality", then He has a reason, and there must be a blessing attached to the obedience of His instructions. The irony is that at the end of the day, it is all for our own good. The one thing to not forget in all of this is that we need to rely heavily on the Holy Spirit to achieve purity. We can never do it in our own strength.

It is for lack of knowledge that the people perish, but not you; YOU shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free! (Hosea 4:6, John 8:32)